Nothing can bring u further down in spirits when you simply feel so lousy.
It completely sucks. And it’s a total new dimension of lousy-ness.
You feel useless, awful and pure misery.
What’s worse?
When the more you motivate urself to not give up, the more you find urself in only failures. You try harder and harder each day and you only find all these attempts to no avail. It takes away my appetite, my mood my sleep, my soul.
They always say “the best occupation would only be a student”
I beg to differ.
Being student has its obligations and responsibilities as well, u may argue, all u haf to do is to do well in ur studies and thereafter u don’t haf to worry.
But do you really think doing well is that simple?
Yes, just attend ur lessons and do ur assignments.
But u haf no clue at all.
There ain’t classes. Coz the class doesn’t care if u comprehend what’s in store for you. You find yourself in an environment that u haf no one to rely on.
With absolute no assistance, they leave you to die, and too bad u cant survive, you will just be left as a loser in the game of an intense competition.
Bottomline: You’re on your own. Solitary soldier. What you are and haf now are deemed by fellow mates with false perceptions.
Everyday, seemed like war to me.
I’m not even thinking the triumph and victory.
I’m just gathering all my strength to keep myself alive in that war with so many fellow heavily armored soldiers. But bear in mind they are not in ur platoon. We fight against one another.
Thankfully, there’s a small pool of fellow rank of soldiers that’s on my side. Though not many but they share the same amount of frustration and demoralisation.
I don’t wanna give up after coming this far and I kept trying.
Till I’m entirely exhausted.
Then, think again.
What if I just die tomorrow?
And so maybe my answer was “my last moment in life is to feel miserable and stessed bout school.”
Just how contradicting can it be?
I only now know, I just have to continue to hold on with all my might coz there’s no turning back in a war that has commenced.
I kinda like the philosophy that I came to know of from two of my modules.
“I think therefore I am”
that’s just so Dr Mel but its totally true.
