27 Nov 1986.
Loves Tanning.
SMU BBM Student.
Not the average girl-next-door
A almost typical Sagittarius
For you to judge, not for me to say.
Speak
Tired. Angry? Sad?
Woke up wif swallon eyes a couple of daes alr.. damn it..
wake up feeling lyk some one eye monster.
skin ard my eye is peeling as well.
Might need to go to a doc soon.
Went over to Na's place to stay over.
As usual, we had so much to tok abt.
Even the night seems not enuff for us.
Na: Thanks for accompanying me tht nite. sorry tht u din go to the hospi
becoz both of us couldnt wake up in time.
i keep ur uncle in my prayers as well.
i noe u cant help but be
a cow at times.
i still love u and i noe u will wont be a piece of beef eventually. =)
i noe u'll be really over when some one else is here.
A better some one.
Definitely nth lyk him.
Coz i noe u deserve some beta juicy cow. hee.
Stand firm lyk i always told u. u can do it.
Don refresh any of "them".
u can u can u can!!
loves n hugs*
Keep thinking these couple of days.
Yes. true enuff.
i rmbred me telling u to not call nor msg me.
but still u did.
extremely long ones.
i did the plus and minuses.
Some how the minuses came into my mind faster.
aft completing. i fell asleep without myself noe-ing.
tired aft thinking and crying.
Are the plus-es sufficent to carry on? can they overcome the minuses?
Evrything still seem tht the minuses had the victory.
i don wan to lie to myself anymore.
Although i keep asking myself y lyk tht?
y it wasnt wad i expected?
minuses to be less than one column.
Started to recieve msgs and all.
i started to read and cry again.
how i wish i could just reply and sae
"ok! we'll be alright again. i missed u as well.."
But i couldnt.
even if i did can it be for long?
But i was still empty and not ready nor strong enuff to even make any decisions.
i tot of so many aspects tht mayb i confused myself.
I JUST WAN TO BE ALONE.
Can u just leave me alone?
don force me to off my hp or block ur no.
i really don wish to.
i'm tired. just let me haf time for myself without u.
contd lyk tht history might just repeat itself.
Even if the chance might be lost.
Or mayb the last shot might still be possible.
And if it happens it will definitely be the LAST.
i'm tired. really.
If minuses can back again.
i wont even consider again.
I told u before i'm considering everything.
EVRYthing. including whether we should even continue.
Its not abt all couples face such probelms.
It abt us not being happy together anymore.
Now den tell me which every couple is lyk tht?
Bottom line is whether we can even be happy together.
Almost Evrydae hafing conflicts, arguements.
both of us just get tired n upset.
Mayb u wont coz i eventually feel tht i'm hurt each time a sorry is recieved.
and the hurt haunts a couple of daes in me though i smile at u aft tht.
just how many more smiles? how many more compromises?
or izzit just character differences?
But i'm definitely feeling much beta compared to sat.
Thanks for all the care my frens.
Kailing: Thanks ger. u're still the one tht i hold most closely to my heart.
Love ya. thank u for always being ther. maybe i alr said these a million times.
u still noe me the best. we'll meet up soon ok?
Sometimes, thinking back i really dunno wad we are doing..
i noe it might not be 4eva. yet i dunno why i am still holding on till now..
Are we wasting our time?
Goals tht we persue in life seems to differ a hell lot.
Izzit becoz i'm not easily contended?
But i do wan to persue things i wanted all my life.
Otherwise, y should i still be studying my arse off?
Yes. Happy memories and sweet moment are always wif me.
But i dunno why when tings turns sour.
It hurts soooooo bad.
i can hardly even breathe.
And i dunno y till now,
u still haf "withdrawal".
It hurts a lot wheneva u comment.
Becoz smth when u do
u don do it tactfully.
Wheneva u're absent,
the eagerness still builts up.
But when u're present,
its either perfectly sweet or disgustingly bad.
It pierces my heart so bad at times. i just wanna let everything go.
Thinking why should i make myself go thru all this shiT?
but den again.
thinking back there were loads of things tht were so perfect.
Sometimes, i just cant simply gif u wad u wan neither can u.
So are we really watsing time or wad?
commanding all tht attention or stamping a "u're mine, SOLELY mine"
just drains away all my love.
Ppl say love is blind and selfish.
i can be blinded at times really.
but i do not soley want you and shut the rest out.
There are others tht i care as well.
yes. i love u.
But there are others tht i love as well..
and its a different kind of love tht i share wif u and wif them.
i really hope over time
u are able to accept
the "whole package" of me.
Aft so long,
i tink this is still the greatest obstacle.
If not, we'll just end.
i don wan to be tired.
i just need this frm u and
i believe everything would be so beautiful
becoz u made tht difference.
Lyk u once did.
The trip to desaru was cancelled. Sobs*
The trip is supposed to be my family and uncle william's fam.
Uncle william is my dad's fren. And his little daughter is so adorable.
But his mother in law passed away. oh man..
And so my dream came true. The other dae i just dream tht my dad told me " we'll stay at home ok?"
Na: we share the same thing!! omg..
Oh wells* postpone the trip. hee. good. i don haf to sit the ferry!
Went to the dentist wif "mum" and sis.
My is alrighty. Except tht ther's a pocket in my gum.
Meaning my gum is a bit inflammed and "further away" attached to my tooth.
So DR johari did some cleaning and polishing and some med on the gum.
Whereas, my sis found 4 WISDOM tooth. omg. FOUR!!!
But tht Dr daid we shld jus focus on one 1st.
Since tht started to hurt.
Removing it would cost 285 bucks. Alamak.
And she took a Xray of her 1.5 times of her norm tooth (wisdom tooth). hee.
Jie: Hang in there!! i love ya!! At least u wouldnt haf to sacrifice another tooth. problematic it might
be but we can get rid of one more problem. hugs* =)
Its lyk now i don really haf much time left to work alr..
Wells, enjoy my holidaes. i guess i'll spend time excercising or smth.
i decided to buy a proper swim costume n go swimming!
Swimming = running (calories) it burns as much calories. yay!
i really rather lyk swim 10 laps den run 1 km. hee..
i miss clubbing. really do.
Too bad no job no $$.
Planning to go one of the wed~
Any one?
Just hang out wif jul n belle last nite. hehe..
great time spend.
We should meet up again soon?
Na: i miss u! hehe.. busy working yep? call me when u're free yea? hugs*
Going over to desaru this sat and sun. Pulai springs resort.
expect a great time ther. i believe my family n i will.
but dad's car is sooo failing on us.
Doubt we can drive ther. sobs.
Noe wad? we are taking the ferry there.
i'm so going to die.
i'm not sea sick. but i just got a phobia since young to tk boats or sampans wadeva u call it.
Thoses tht loves to sway left rite left rite.
Damn it. i hate tht. i just feel lyk jumping off n i rather swim or get eaten up by some sea creature rather than sway together wif the boat.
oh yea.. we took quite a lot of pictures last nite..
Belle: enjoy urself there alrighty? bring me gifts ar!! wahaha.. jk la.. i'll miss u actually. take loads of photos ok??
The pictures are uploaded. Go on to Misc on ur rite. Click on the 3 monkeys dae!!
i miss my pri skool frens.. diana, lili, tech heng, wei luo, edwin, qiu yin, wendy, etc.
i miss To1. Na, sharon chang, cher,ray, kelvin, ave,peizhen, etc.
i miss skool.. tp, bus. 8, cab trips wif na, biz park.
i miss darl. cant seem to get enuff of him.
i miss T12. best, jaz, val, tersea, colin, jeff, etc.
i miss clubbing. R&B, china black, vodka, dance floor.
oh ya.. results were out tht dae..
CS2 - B
Co&Co - C+
Int mkg - B
IMP1 - B
A&P - Z
CRM- Z
Happy wif my results.. wondering how did the rest do. hee.. those.. those.. 2. haha
feels so bored at home. still on medication. will be till sundae..
oh man..
pills. pills. pills!!
Meeting eliza on fri. we'll see. whether i'll still be a blazerian a not.
seriously, i'm lyk.. anything alr.. sad to sae.
yes. i've grown attached to the squat. but sm times its juz lyk. i'm not impt la. doesnt matter anymore.
anyway, there's quartermaster ard. cap n vice cap are up alr.
Jus don wanna deal wif all those political stuff anymore.
If they still cant understan my situation aft the letter. i've got nth else to sae. really.
Let's jus put a big fulll stop to me n blazers.
i carry on wif my life.
i'll join another cheer squad in time to come.. or any other affilations i look up to.
Hi my frenz..
i noe its soooo long since i blogged..
well.. i'm still in the process of recovering.
i'm just seriously ill last week. Yes. Mon to sat!
i was infected with this sickening sorry, fucking virus tht infected my throat.
My throat swell, tonsils were expanded, lymph node on my neck was swallon n painful.
And aft 2 days the virus spreaded to my gastric.
ouch.ouch ouch.
Cant eat, neither can i swallow anything except liquidified food.
i actually went 4 docs just to get this alrite.
1. polyclinic sickening DR DIANA, insist tht i was fine, MC for a dae n jus some panadol for the fever. no shit was given to the poor throat.
2. 24-hrs clinic. $48 bucks, 90 tablets of med.
3. Dr Yoong (my family doc), a jab n new antibiotics. n went for a blood test for dengue fever ack at the polyclinic. mummy saw my throat, she said it's fulll of ulers n walls of my throat looks lyk its ripped off.
Result: good. no malaria parasite found. relieved*
4. Tan Tock seng hosiptal. when my fever aft 5 days just wouldnt go away. ard 2.30am, 70 bucks. new med again.
i actually slept on the floor for one nite and surprisingly, my fever subsided n throat felt beta. Floor was damn hard n cold. only stuff tht i ate thru out the whole week, ice cream n porridge. barely mouthfuls of it. coz i would throw up with thr virus in my tummy...
Den comes sat which i felt whole lot beta n can start eating more solid food. n todae. no more fever no more sore throat. i went back to DR yoong again, he said it's 85% recovered, still haf to continue wif the medication till its a 100%.
Yep. before tht, went DAISO to work. culture shock. don wanna tok abt it anymore. inflexible shitty arses. but yes they are productive n punctual. no life. no sex kinda ppl.. haha.
den darl book out so darl = computer-less but = fun fun fun, out, movie, play, vcd marathon. so i din blog as well..
i've changed new skin. love it love it love it.
jie: thank u for loving n caring for me thru out the whole sickly journey. thank u for driving me to tan tock seng despite u were so sleepy. thank u for always doting me. 've always feel so loved when u're ard. love u!!beams*
Mummy n Daddy: sorry for spending a bomb. but i really would take good care of myself frm now on. i promise not to always stay up so late n wake up earli to eat breakfast togetherly wif u 2 n jie. i love u!
"Mum": Thank u for staying over to tkc of me. thank u for everything u've done. u're an angel to my family. a "mum", a auntie, a best fren, a "always there" , yes, an angel. thank u "mum". LOve ya as much too.
Darl: Of coz u're not left out. Still the one tht can still make me luff n stretch my ulcers in my mouth without regrets. thank u baby. u're my everything. my smiles, my cries, my happy or sad, pms or not. u were always there. accepting me. loving me as always. thank u dear. i love u more den words can express. huggies n kisses*