27 Nov 1986.
Loves Tanning.
SMU BBM Student.
Not the average girl-next-door
A almost typical Sagittarius
For you to judge, not for me to say.
Speak
hey.. mm.. i'm up and early this morning. when i opened my eyes, 0751 on my hp. wow..
it's been ages since i woke up at such a time. mm.. tink when i was in sec 4?
i'm at my aunt's place now. using my uncle mike's lap top/ hehe..
sent jie to her skool den we came here.
later we're going to IMM. which is my workplace on tues. on mondae i will go back to skool for the job briefing. i hope everything would turn out good.
i miss darl v much. thank god its sat todae. it will soon be tues.
i'm deprived of hugs n kisses would anyone if me some?
surprisingly i din take a nap till now. hee. gonna go play some table tennis in a while at the dinner table? haahah..
dad's resumes golf todae. how wonderful~ i believe he'll be v happy when he comes back be it he played well or not. i love him. he's the best man i eva seen in my life.
went parkway ytd. tried rotiboy but i tot it was a little too exp for it. plain kinda bread though the smells of it was terrific.
tht's all now.
22nd mar, marks One of my long time fren, yz's bdae. Had a blast. great time wif 'em. too bad for some who couldnt make it. but the surprise were good. and everything turned out well n fun.
My fave pic of tht dae!
For the rest of the pictures. go click on my links on ur right side. i actually emailed 'em to u guys!
Den comes, 3 goodies left living hell. hee. happy. its been so long since i last saw dad n "mum" smile lyk this. jus the other dae when i noticed the amt of white hair duplicated on his head i can't help but ached big time in my heart. seeing "mum"losing weight and everything tht amount-ed up. evrything seems more or less settled. We finally can get rid of the irritants as well as money for idiots whom they claim they are good or cheap.
Happy isn't it?
but comes me sending goodbyes.
For n/n:
i'm so sorry this wasnt the time
u must noe tht u're loved
i'm so sorry we cant get to see u
i'm really sorry
u mus understan this is best
deep down in e bottom of our hearts,
u're always here
but we thank u for being almost there
coz we've all learnt to be stronger n brave
to carry on.
Don ask who where how wad.
it's all over
i wont wan to mention it again. eva. in my life.
For u:
i noe its tough
i noe its hard on u
i'm sorry tis had to happen
i love ya
always will.
nth was wrong.
i'll always be here,
happy or sad.
always n 4eva.
Let's be strong n unfearful of the future.
i believe we will get to see them again.
we will.
hugs*
i recently heard the new songs by eminem
lyk toy soldiers n mockingbird.
mockingbird is so touching. i cried.
it's abt his daughter n his ex wife.
Extracted parts of the song out.
know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
But hey, what daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that other limb
What you crying about?
You got me
Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares
We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it
We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me
But things have gotten so bad between us
I don't see us ever being together ever again
We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me
But things have gotten so bad between us
Tryna start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars till someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart
Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V. and momma didn't like it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand
Cuz all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud
Now I'm sittin in this empty house, just reminiscing
Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown, it's almost like you're sisters now
And if you ask me too
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the worldI'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile.
So sweet isnt it? sorry. his song is fucking long. haha.
Na: i miss chillin out wif u. i'm as disgusted tot tht matter. pukes* and yes. both deserves no mind space nor energy frm us but a million and one slaps to make them spin lyk mad cows. hahaha.. bleahs* hugs u tite tite* Jie: i miss u. seems lyk eveytime i'm in u're out. we're out n u guys r in. just wanna tell ya tht i love u. miss hafing long chats wif u. study hard for ur exams ok? i noe u can do it. loves* Darl: thank u sooo much for making all these daes so happy. i'm really delighted to haf to hold u in my arms again. to spend every moment wif u is life's greatest pleasure. thank u for loving me still. i noe i will miss u so much again. i'm sorry for being too emotional at times, i din mean to raise my voice at u. i jus cant ctrl my emotions at times. i promise to learn and manage them to my v best. i love you wif every beat of my heart! Aveline: Sweetie! the video was totalllllllyyyy swwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweet to the max. thank u for creating it. Will be waiting for more to come! tsk tsk. And frens are frens foreva... frens will not sae never... thanks ave! hugs* Cant believe wad i jus heard frm my "mum". i cant believed it. i saw tears almost rolling out of her eyes. my heart ached lyk mad.
How jus can a brother do this? a blood brother. i'm speechless neither do i wanna spell out everything i hear. unbelievable. i nv knew things would turn out till this extent.
"mum": do take care of urself. lyk ter, i wouldnt acknowledge him as well. Nv knew he could actually tried to lay a finger on u.
i really hate him. hate. i noe its tiring to hate but i really do towards him. i knew him as a loving one, someone who dotes me lyk a little gurl. to tink tht he actually had done all these. i jus feel so hard to swallow all these down. Why? juz y do u haf to do all these? aren't everyone here your family? aren't we? u're causing grand papa to feel so tensed up at home, frequent tummy aches n visits to the toilet? he's ur dad! do u feel good? He's so anxious n yet, he loves both his sons and daughter.
Caught in a dilema. Cant believe the amount of stress instilled in him each dae when he face all of u. the 4 of u. To the youngest in e fam: u r the utlimately totally horrible and ridiculous person i've eva seen. jus get ur arse out of this whole shit. u jus completely complicate matters up. totally. Jus let my grand parents sleep peacefully will u?
i dunno y all this haf to happen. in the 1st place, it was U tht wanted him to leave, it was U tht cheated on ur own dad. It was U din want to pay, it was U tht u wanted us to land up in court, it was U. U! right frm the start. U. everything was U. i hate u! i really do, to the core. BOth of u and the rest.
Just when will this pour stop?
I din blog for so long coz i was quite occupied these daes.
All i can sae abt ytd was FUN FUN FUN & FUn! hahaha! Its been a long time since we hang out togther again. who? Ave, Nur, na, pei zhen, kelvin, huat, kiak & me. Luff the whole starbucks down till it close ard 11.20pm. Kel keep on doin the guitar thingy tht set all of us laughing n sayin "stop it" even composed a starbucks song! haha.. In the morning went tanning! yayyy! gotta noe a tumble tots life guard n a WHAle! wahahhaa..
Lena: Hope u r feelin beta. =)
She n i kinda settled things. well, they noe the details. teehee. n tht's enuff. But again i wanna stress i have my own freedom of speech. My personal space, i force no one to read this nor comment. i am in no way responsible for actions commited therafter of reading my blog too. tis is mine! solely mine!! write wad i wan and feel. YES U(male): if u r readin tis, u really cant stop me. My bf is not nice to mess with as well, don u bother him as well cuz its my fingers typing!Juz shake ur arse off our world. i really cant be bothered wif u anymore. dun waaste any more of ur filthy 5 cents, it wont be entertained any futher. last words for u: grow n wake up, u bugger! *"neh neh ni boo boo" + stick tongue out and slap ass* LOL!
Todae's RM re-quiz. well, as usual cannot be bothered. hope lights turn out again! haha! ALthough she n i kinda ok alr, but i noe tings will nv be the same again. If my blog really bother the both of u so much den don visit here anymore. haiz.
I sooooo wanna club! so soldier is put on here last nite. I love the way they dance! hot mamas! but at the same time reminded me abt my poor darl in camp, tht some flesh was ripped of his finger now, fever, sore throat and diahhorea. Heart pain lyk fuck. I hope his officer allows him to MO. i tink he's hafin an infection coz the injury came frm a rusty source. woorried* i miss him so much. todae's only thurs. i'll only see him either next tues nite or wed morning. It FULL 10 - 11 days! It was nv so long. The other time: BMT, when we were only togher for one mth plus. now? one yr plus. i miss him! miss him miss him miss him!! DARL!!!!!!!
Shar chang & Ray: Sorry darlings, it was a last min gathering. missed u!
Well. guess waD? i'm up and awake now coz i simply cant slp. i miss darl, i'm tinking abt wad my sis n i juz talked abt.
Todae, na went back to skool for ur thumbdrive. yayyy. found it. hee. den had lunch with her n sis at design canteen. Sis tld me abt the movie she watched "wrong turn" while i told her abt "shutter" i watched ytd as well. wrong turn is super errrrieeeeeeeee. yuk. mutants and all.
Den suppose to meet at 12.45pm. all late as usual. while she said she had some family problems which zhen told me and all. kiak came out with the main gist of the agenda. hee. cool! thanks kiak. den we went 4 a&p tutorial. guess wad? i became the domineering one and all. Ms reena's remarks for me by the appraisal is lyk " sharon, u nit to realise ppl wrk differently n all, u look fierce when u don smile, u tend to keep work to urself (aka not delegating), blah blah.." suddenly, yes. i was the unreasonable one and all. tht was wad sis n i was discussing. it really din matter wad they sae. but yes, lyk wad my sis said, impt ting is tht i should learn frm it, mayb not only 1 member felt tht way and all. well, i dunno.
But my heart juz felt a pinch. hard and sharp pinch. i tot all along, i alr tried controlling my anger and all well enuff tht i din scream at any one. but well, i dunno. i told ms reena tht i felt it was not fair tht ppl sae i kepp things to do myslef when the whole report was delegated to both me and na. it's juz not unfair. peer appraisal might also land me further frm an A. but really. nvm. its over. told zhen abt wad had happened exactly betwn she and myself. stood neutral. wadeva it is, i'm tired over all those shit i went thru. Afterall, lyk wad na said, "i become the villian.
And u noe wad? her bf juz msg me this:
him: sorry, not tht i care wad u feel abt me. it jus wasnt ungentlemanly enuff to msg u those stuff. tis is all i haf to say.
i mean pls, wad's all these for? aft all u've said? juz telllin me these coz u felt ungentlemanly of urself? neither do i care abt wad he feel abt me. i alr said. "i don care nor it bothers me" for the 4th time?
me: wad's the point of all these aft u've done wadeva tht cant be undone? u're juz sayin sorry for the sake of it isn't it? don need to msg me. u feel disgusted isnt it? so do i.
him: sayin sorry for the sake of it? No, i'm sincere. i tink its wrong for me 2 sae all this to a gal. hope u'll accept my apologies.
Aft which i cant be bothered to reply. he actually got the cheek to sae its wrong n he jolly well can still do it. Accept ur apologies? i'm sorry. no. i wouldnt even tink abt it.
Isnt it too late? since he din care abt wad i tink abt him den y bother to sae sorry seriously??
i juz touched up a bit more stuff on the meeting tml. sis is going to skool to study in skool as well.
Pictures we took todae!!
hehe.. yayy!! nice! they make campus a lot beta for me. *smiles
darl: i juz read ur msg. don tink so much k? juz fuck tht officer of urs. irritants. i love u.
Nitez everyone.
Mmm.. Finally, all those shit was over. Well, for tht she?
If u din read wad was tagged, this was it:
she: din gif a damn to the report, repeated abt the wrk she done, 15, we ,our, us, cant do anything to her bf.
Me: Well, u can don gif the report a damn but it's 30% of my marks like wise for the rest of my grp. u can jolly well don tink for urself. even when i was angry, i've nvr used such wrd on u as well. It juz shows how much u value me as u fren likewise for the work tht u r obliged to do.and guess wad, i made a count too. 4-we, 20 our. cool? As regards to ur bf, lyk wad i said i don care nor it affected me. So much for a matha *ucker. Speaks mucj abt his character as well.
Ytd was mummy's bdae! hee.. we took pics. oh yeah. past pictures are uploaded too. gif me some time to crop 'em i'll upload here for u guys to see k? Fri and sat, me n belle worked for the every 1st time for maybelline. hee. i enjoyed myself. they actually intro this new mascara called XXL. hee. i personally tot was effective, gers, u can gif it a try ya? pay rate was terrific. though two days but i tot was gd enuff. aft tml's IJ and re-quiz, everthing would be over. hurray!! hee. Na's on cruise. hope she enjoyed herself. i miss her! hee.
Darl darl todae confined in camp. sian. so my sundae is kinda different todae. i miss him. tues he's gotta stand-by again. one week again without seeing him. oh man. *sighs. Changed my blogskin. U guys lyk it? i loveee it. hee. i think i'm a half devil n angel? hee. coz once i turn ugly, muahaha. i do crazy things. Turn nice, i can turn u into my sweetie pie. teehee. well, i believe everyone will haf a devil in 'em. juz how much it grows in u. =p
Guess wad am i listening now? Bee Gees greatest hits. wahaha. dad's collection. coz juz now i helped him to record the song into his phone for his new ringtone. later we're going dinner wif uncle mike they all ba. will bring my cam along. c if i can take any nice pic for u guys to see k?
Ytd, i even did eye make up for darl wif maybelline stuff.wahaha. hilarous. i tink i've grown to lyk their products. Spenx emailed me, sayin tht he wants to set up the push cart in skool to sell some food stuff. i'm interested in it, coz he always haf good ideas. mm.. we'll see how it goes ya?
Aunty mummy is currently helping dad full time. yayy* thanks "mummy" i love you! thank u for everything.
For her(grp mate): well, i;m no longer feel sad abt stuff tht we went thru. i only noe even though we may tok, or hi, bye. things will nv be the same again. neither would my love for u as a fren nor the frenship would sail again. suddenly tot of u, u noe y? coz the cd is now playing "how can u mend a broken heart". well, i guess, u can nv mend mine.
Athena: thanks for listening, for caring, still loving and hugging me. Love ya!
To kiak and na: thank u for being and accepting me as ur grp mate. thank u for slogging together. thank u.yes. we made it. beams*
Fave pic of the month (or longer) i believe:
Days of BNSS. bengs/ lians ---> fave staring plus tie short short. wahahahhha...
Den told myself, pull urself together u can do this. went to the toilet, tied my hair n cleaned my red nose n eyes. the presentation i tot on the other hand was the best for me so far coz i really din stumbled on my wrds n used no q cards at all. Miss ng seems good abt it. i really hope she was coz so far the rest of the grp, she commented almost everyone "good, v good." she actually still said it was well prepared. wahaha. n the slides were well done. i noe coz all along i tot so. good job dear! To my best partner: thank u so much so stayin up late all dayzz wif me completing all of them. but i really muz tk this opp to tell u some things tht i've been hiding frm u. i mean i can really understand on some occasions u r really pek cek n stressed up which explains ur mood or tone. but juz hope to share these i had all along wif you. i still love u as much. thank u so much for listening, pasta-mania-ing, bitching, loving, writing cards to me, doing such nice slide shows and photo-taking wif me. i love ya. really do still. i hope we'll work again in the near future. hugs*hi my darlings. thank u thank u thank u, for caring, consoling, tagging, hugging me aft wad happened in the last entry. i wanna thank everyone of u frm the bottom of my heart, darling baobei, miss lala, na, nur, ave, kiak, ling, cheryl, sharon, etc. i love n appreciate every single one of u.
this morning was disatrous, water based shit agian. three times. my crm presentation was @10.20am and at 9.45 i was still in the toilet for the 3rd time. damn it. mum asked me not to go skool n there's no way i'm gonna do tht even if i haf to stay till the 5th time. was even doing my mk up when i was on the toilet bowl. oh man..
but the time i rushed to skool, it was 10.05am. before i went skool, i msg them i would be late. initally the 1st time i sent the 1st msg, then the 3rd time i sent another 2 more msgs syain tht i was hafin diahorea. smth tht made me v upset, "wah. u really one and a half hrs late." of everyone, i nv eva expect it coming frm her. i was totally upset, shocked n i said " i diahorea can? 3 times can?" sorry, i think i over-reacted. but i was alr damn flustered tht i was late. instead of helpin, i heard tht, it juz worsen the whole thing. i feel even more mang chang. and of all ppl, it was my best partner. best, n i mean really best partner. i mean, tht really din help at all at tht point of time. =s den ran here n ther for a comp when i couldnt find a comp to read the report again and no q-cards.
while searching for a comp i almost broke down into tears. and when i found one it juz couldnt read the thumb drive. when i finally printed stuff i wanted n read it brieftly it was 10.30am. saw sharon chang, hugged and this time when she asked"u ok? wad happened to u?" den i realised actually my face has showed it all. i started tearing. n my hair was in a mess. den come cheryl askin me the same thing n there it was bursting all out.
actually, ther were times tht i was hurt by wad u said. or mayb u felt i deserved it. but i really nit to tell u openly. i dunno how else but i actually told cheryl n sharon todae. tht explains wad i told u on msn todae. i dunno if u rmbr there was once u said "asshole" straight into my face n was really unhappy on a few occasions or juz bad mood or stressed up tht u said certain things tht really hit me. sometimes, we luff it away. yes, but sometimes it hit me kinda bad. when i got home n tot abt it, got quite dejected n demoralised abt myself. tht i sometimes couldnt achieve wad u wanted or u tot i would noe abt certain tings tht i actually don n i asked.